This story appeared in Narva, Park University's end of the year magazine
Twins: Finding Your Path ... Times Two
College is your time to shine, find yourself and become an independent person, but for some that idea is taken to a higher level. Twins live their lives in each other’s shadows. A pair treated like one. Others so interested in twin life they never stop to find the
individual.
Picking a college isn’t the only decision twins face. They must decide whether or not to stay with their twin or branch out on their own. Most advisors suggest twins separate in college so they can shine on their own, and let their unique personality come out. It’s a time for them to learn how to be an individual, but if twins don't wish to separate then that's how it should be. To do their best in school they must be happy.
Admissions representatives at the University of Maryland, University of Texas and other universities say they read applications
individually, but try to deliver the same decision to both twins. If one twin doesn’t quite make it but the other one does they might decide to take both or not accept either one. Luckily, for Eric Whitney this was never a decision he had to make.
Eric moved here from Maine to attend Park University. His fraternal twin, Ryan, stayed in Maine and is attending the University of Southern Maine. In a way he left to have his own life, new experiences and environment. “I thought if we separated early it would be a little easier,” he said. Enjoying their first glimpse of freedom, they give each other space, only talking when necessary; not much on the phone, a little on Facebook, and Eric goes home during breaks.
Was it hard for him to leave his twin? He gets a big grin and says, “Not really. We get along but we have our times.” Was Ryan was his best friend? He got a puzzled look to his face,“Friends, that’s tough,” he said. “I consider him family, but a close friend maybe not. I am a little more sociable than him. I grew up with him, so he is family.”
They had the same friends growing up and share interests like music, but Eric says he is more open minded than his brother. “We are somewhat similar for the most part but have differences that make us unique,” he says. One similarity they do not share though, is majors and careers. Eric is a business major with an emphasis in marketing. Ryan was originally a communications major but is now looking into law.
Being a fraternal twin means they do not share the same DNA make up, although a fair amount of fraternal twins do look a lot alike. “You can definitely tell we are related, but not twins,” he said. The main differences are eye color and Ryan is six inches taller than Eric.
Fraternal twins occur when two separate eggs are fertilized and carried at the same time, sharing at most 50 percent of their DNA, no different than any other siblings. Identical twins, on the other hand, share 100 percent of their DNA. They are essentially the exact same person. Some doctors refer to the spontaneous phenomenon in which one fertilized egg splits in half and becomes
two as a "non-harmful birth defect."
There is no answer to why the split occurs, it just does. It’s not hereditary and does not skip generations. Fraternal twins do tend to run in families but can happen out of the blue. One interesting fact about fraternal twins is that they seem to occur at a higher rate in “lands of plenty” according to the New York Times.
The article which appeared in August of 1998 discusses a study that found fraternal twins occur more frequently where natural resources are easily attainable. Only mothers who have the nutrition to nourish two babies have fraternal twins. In places like Africa and Asia nearly all twins born are identical. The highest number of twins per capita can be found in Finland’s archipelago of Aland and Aboland.
Sibling Rivalry
If you have a sibling you know what this is all about. No matter how well you get along, at some point it is going to happen - and age is normally a factor. Eric is the oldest by one minute. “When it came to fights being older was a little bit of a factor,” he said. “I’m older……I’m taller,” and on it went. Most of the time their fights were over the remote or front seat. They have yet to ever be in a fist fight, which is good, but unfortunately not all brothers can say the same.
For Cordell Eby and fraternal twin Kyle the fights have turned to the fists - but only a few times. “We have an unspoken agreement that we won’t hit each other like that, but we have gotten like that a couple of times when we get real mad,” Cordell says.
Just like Eric and Ryan Whitney, Cordell and Kyle are as different as night and day. Kyle, the oldest by 10 minutes, is three or four inches shorter than Cordell, pretty skinny and has curly hair. Just like the Whitney’s, the first born is the smaller of the two.
Cordell, a freshman at Park University and criminal justice major, just declared a few weeks ago when he changed it from communications. His brother Kyle is a civil architecture major at the University of Missouri Science and Technology in Rolla, Missouri. Cordell explains some of their differences. “He is a lot smarter than I am in the sense that he can go through school without opening a book,” he says. “It’s not as easy for me but I have a lot more common sense than he does. He makes decisions without thinking.”
They are not only different in school they have very different temperaments. “I am a lot more laid back than he is,” Cordell says. “He always has to be doing something.” When Kyle comes home he always complains about how boring they all are. To keep things lively he turns anything and everything into a competition.
“He is competitive with everybody... with everything,” Cordell explains. “I am only competitive with him. Everything we do is a competition, when we wrestle, everything.” But no matter how much they fight or how competitive Kyle is they always get along.
The “I’m the oldest” bit played a small role in their fights when they were little, Cordell recalls, but not much anymore. “When we were little he bragged about being older but I’m taller and bigger,” he said.
The Split
Unlike Eric and Ryan, college was not the first time Cordell and Kyle had been apart. When they were seniors their family moved. Cordell went to high school in the new district but Kyle stayed at their old school to play soccer. It was the first time in 16 plus years they were apart. “We did everything together ... I mean everything. We even had the same friends,” he said.
The split made the transition to college easy. If they wouldn’t have gone to different schools their senior-year would they had chosen the same college? “It’s possible,” says Cordell but he doesn't think they would have. “He is interested in a lot of different stuff. He always wanted the college experience, dorm life away from home.”
Cordell picked Park because he could live at home, not have any bills, and thanks to an academic scholarship it is free. Luckily for their parents Kyle also got a scholarship. Bright Flight academic scholarship gives him almost a full ride. Saving for college is not easy and saving for two at the same time one could only imagine. Some Universities recognize this stress and offer some
help.
Wilson College in Chambersburg, Pa. (45% of tuition for each child)
Northeastern Oklahoma A&M College provides $440 per child per fall and spring room expenses for twins and triplets.
Carl Albert State College in Oklahoma (Paula Nieto Twin Scholarship)
George Washington University in Washington, DC (50% discount for second sibling)
Lake Erie College in Painesville, Ohio (each twin gets the scholarship in alternate years)
Randolph-Macon Women's College in Lynchburg, VA (15% discount)
Sterling College in Kansas (50% discount for each twin)
The Cons
“One of the hardest things is that you are identified with your sibling. I’m not Cordell, I’m Kyle’s twin. People expect us to be alike but we’re not,” Cordell says. “We’re the Eby twins. We’re invited to everything together. I think that’s the hardest part.
“I like being a twin,” he explains. “But I like being different. Identical twins are genetically the same. I think about being one and I think I would hate it. I wouldn’t like being exactly the same as someone else.” Finding individuality as a twin is hard. Little do they know it’s something their parents have already thought about before they were even here.
Jeremy Everts is in his first year at Park. He is a broadcast major by day and father of seven every second of the day. Number five and six are a set of fraternal boy girl twins, Xander (Zander) and Olivia. Jeremy and his wife wanted names that kept them together as twins but stayed away of the rhyming or same initials many parents choose. “It’s X’s and O’s,” he said. “It was my
wife’s idea. We wanted them to have as much individuality as possible. Something they could talk about later in life but give them
personalities.”
The Initial Shock
When a couple finds out they are pregnant they start thinking of a name, not two. They look for a crib, not two and they wonder how their lives are going to change with a new addition, not two. So what is it like when the doctor finds two heart beats, not one?
Super Bowl Sunday 2007, Jeremy’s wife was seven weeks pregnant. She began cramping and decided to go to the hospital. Once she was admitted they took her back to have an ultrasound. The nurse takes a look and says, “Everything looks fine with both.”
“Both!” they said at the same time. Jeremy remembers just standing there in shock. His wife is a nurse and they already have four kids so they knew what an ultrasound was supposed to look like. He remembers looking at the screen, seeing two circles and the expression on his wife’s face. She looked to him and said,“There are two circles.” But it just didn’t seem real, not even after the nurse confirmed it.
How long did it take for it to sink in? “Literally until they were born,” he said.“At times it was more real than others, but I don’t know if I could say I was ever prepared. You think, ok twins. That’s two diapers at once, two bottles, but you never think one will get sick or both might be profusely vomiting all night long.”
“Taking care of twins isn’t any different if you can handle the schedule and they are good to you,” Jeremy explains. “I learned to sleep short hours and drive quickly. I’m always on the go.” When he takes them out he is surprised by how many people don’t realize they are twins. People will ask how old they are and when he has just one answer they say, “wow twins, I couldn’t do that.” He laughs now but thinks to himself, “I was probably one of those people.”
Two of Everything
Do you really need two of everything? “No, It’s just twice as much fun,” Jeremy says. "You need two car seats and two receiving blankets.” They originally bought two cribs and sold one shortly after bringing Xander and Olivia home. He had one together and figured they were so small they would be fine for a while.
“I would go to the crib and they would be holding each other. Body to body like in a fetal position,” he said. After seeing that he knew they would always sleep together and still do at two years old.
Jeremy understands it is important to spend time with each of them but finds it difficult with two. “I worry I will neglect one,” he says. “I am always monitoring myself.” He spends a lot of time playing with them but they need their own time as well. “When one is napping I will take the other to the gas station or the grocery store,” he said. “There is this stigma that they don’t function well when they are not together.” he says, but he hasn’t found it to be true.
They do things on their own just like any other kid but if one is not around when it is time to do something the other sets out to find them. “If dinner is ready and Xander isn’t around Olivia will go searching for him,” Jeremy says.“Ander,” as she calls her brother, “where are you? It’s time to eat,” says Olivia as she walks through the house looking for him.
They never want the same thing at the same time. “They both come to me and one wants a sandwich and one wants a cup,” he says. So who gets what they want first? “We always use the gentlemen’s rule,” he says, “Ladies first.” Other than that they share.
Twin Talk
Twins have been known to engage in what is known as "twin talk." A language that is uniquely their own and only they can understand, but is it true? “We didn’t really experience the twin babble,” Jeremy said. His twins are just starting to talk with each other and everyone else. “They would grunt and babble to each other but all kids do that,” he says.
“Kinda,”Cordell says about him and his brother Kyle. “We always had to talk,” he says.“We had things that only we would know, inside talk. Knowing what the other one is going to say, but anyone who spends a lot of time with another person does that.” He admits it doesn’t happen as much now they’re apart.
There is no scientific data that supports this theory, or twin telepathy. “We don’t have the telepathy so to say, and we don‘t finish each other’s sentences,” Says Eric about him and his twin Ryan. He doesn’t recall having their own language or ever hearing his parents talk about it.
When people say, “I don’t know how you do it,” Jeremy wants to say, “I don’t know how you don’t.” Having twins is just like anything thing else. It is a part of life and you figure out how to deal with it. “How do you survive in a war torn country? You just do,” Jeremy says. “You hope at the end of the day you’ve had some fun and laughed a little. I’m not trying to compare twins to war
but…,”shrugs his shoulders and laughs.
Twins: Finding Your Path ... Times Two
College is your time to shine, find yourself and become an independent person, but for some that idea is taken to a higher level. Twins live their lives in each other’s shadows. A pair treated like one. Others so interested in twin life they never stop to find the
individual.
Picking a college isn’t the only decision twins face. They must decide whether or not to stay with their twin or branch out on their own. Most advisors suggest twins separate in college so they can shine on their own, and let their unique personality come out. It’s a time for them to learn how to be an individual, but if twins don't wish to separate then that's how it should be. To do their best in school they must be happy.
Admissions representatives at the University of Maryland, University of Texas and other universities say they read applications
individually, but try to deliver the same decision to both twins. If one twin doesn’t quite make it but the other one does they might decide to take both or not accept either one. Luckily, for Eric Whitney this was never a decision he had to make.
Eric moved here from Maine to attend Park University. His fraternal twin, Ryan, stayed in Maine and is attending the University of Southern Maine. In a way he left to have his own life, new experiences and environment. “I thought if we separated early it would be a little easier,” he said. Enjoying their first glimpse of freedom, they give each other space, only talking when necessary; not much on the phone, a little on Facebook, and Eric goes home during breaks.
Was it hard for him to leave his twin? He gets a big grin and says, “Not really. We get along but we have our times.” Was Ryan was his best friend? He got a puzzled look to his face,“Friends, that’s tough,” he said. “I consider him family, but a close friend maybe not. I am a little more sociable than him. I grew up with him, so he is family.”
They had the same friends growing up and share interests like music, but Eric says he is more open minded than his brother. “We are somewhat similar for the most part but have differences that make us unique,” he says. One similarity they do not share though, is majors and careers. Eric is a business major with an emphasis in marketing. Ryan was originally a communications major but is now looking into law.
Being a fraternal twin means they do not share the same DNA make up, although a fair amount of fraternal twins do look a lot alike. “You can definitely tell we are related, but not twins,” he said. The main differences are eye color and Ryan is six inches taller than Eric.
Fraternal twins occur when two separate eggs are fertilized and carried at the same time, sharing at most 50 percent of their DNA, no different than any other siblings. Identical twins, on the other hand, share 100 percent of their DNA. They are essentially the exact same person. Some doctors refer to the spontaneous phenomenon in which one fertilized egg splits in half and becomes
two as a "non-harmful birth defect."
There is no answer to why the split occurs, it just does. It’s not hereditary and does not skip generations. Fraternal twins do tend to run in families but can happen out of the blue. One interesting fact about fraternal twins is that they seem to occur at a higher rate in “lands of plenty” according to the New York Times.
The article which appeared in August of 1998 discusses a study that found fraternal twins occur more frequently where natural resources are easily attainable. Only mothers who have the nutrition to nourish two babies have fraternal twins. In places like Africa and Asia nearly all twins born are identical. The highest number of twins per capita can be found in Finland’s archipelago of Aland and Aboland.
Sibling Rivalry
If you have a sibling you know what this is all about. No matter how well you get along, at some point it is going to happen - and age is normally a factor. Eric is the oldest by one minute. “When it came to fights being older was a little bit of a factor,” he said. “I’m older……I’m taller,” and on it went. Most of the time their fights were over the remote or front seat. They have yet to ever be in a fist fight, which is good, but unfortunately not all brothers can say the same.
For Cordell Eby and fraternal twin Kyle the fights have turned to the fists - but only a few times. “We have an unspoken agreement that we won’t hit each other like that, but we have gotten like that a couple of times when we get real mad,” Cordell says.
Just like Eric and Ryan Whitney, Cordell and Kyle are as different as night and day. Kyle, the oldest by 10 minutes, is three or four inches shorter than Cordell, pretty skinny and has curly hair. Just like the Whitney’s, the first born is the smaller of the two.
Cordell, a freshman at Park University and criminal justice major, just declared a few weeks ago when he changed it from communications. His brother Kyle is a civil architecture major at the University of Missouri Science and Technology in Rolla, Missouri. Cordell explains some of their differences. “He is a lot smarter than I am in the sense that he can go through school without opening a book,” he says. “It’s not as easy for me but I have a lot more common sense than he does. He makes decisions without thinking.”
They are not only different in school they have very different temperaments. “I am a lot more laid back than he is,” Cordell says. “He always has to be doing something.” When Kyle comes home he always complains about how boring they all are. To keep things lively he turns anything and everything into a competition.
“He is competitive with everybody... with everything,” Cordell explains. “I am only competitive with him. Everything we do is a competition, when we wrestle, everything.” But no matter how much they fight or how competitive Kyle is they always get along.
The “I’m the oldest” bit played a small role in their fights when they were little, Cordell recalls, but not much anymore. “When we were little he bragged about being older but I’m taller and bigger,” he said.
The Split
Unlike Eric and Ryan, college was not the first time Cordell and Kyle had been apart. When they were seniors their family moved. Cordell went to high school in the new district but Kyle stayed at their old school to play soccer. It was the first time in 16 plus years they were apart. “We did everything together ... I mean everything. We even had the same friends,” he said.
The split made the transition to college easy. If they wouldn’t have gone to different schools their senior-year would they had chosen the same college? “It’s possible,” says Cordell but he doesn't think they would have. “He is interested in a lot of different stuff. He always wanted the college experience, dorm life away from home.”
Cordell picked Park because he could live at home, not have any bills, and thanks to an academic scholarship it is free. Luckily for their parents Kyle also got a scholarship. Bright Flight academic scholarship gives him almost a full ride. Saving for college is not easy and saving for two at the same time one could only imagine. Some Universities recognize this stress and offer some
help.
Wilson College in Chambersburg, Pa. (45% of tuition for each child)
Northeastern Oklahoma A&M College provides $440 per child per fall and spring room expenses for twins and triplets.
Carl Albert State College in Oklahoma (Paula Nieto Twin Scholarship)
George Washington University in Washington, DC (50% discount for second sibling)
Lake Erie College in Painesville, Ohio (each twin gets the scholarship in alternate years)
Randolph-Macon Women's College in Lynchburg, VA (15% discount)
Sterling College in Kansas (50% discount for each twin)
The Cons
“One of the hardest things is that you are identified with your sibling. I’m not Cordell, I’m Kyle’s twin. People expect us to be alike but we’re not,” Cordell says. “We’re the Eby twins. We’re invited to everything together. I think that’s the hardest part.
“I like being a twin,” he explains. “But I like being different. Identical twins are genetically the same. I think about being one and I think I would hate it. I wouldn’t like being exactly the same as someone else.” Finding individuality as a twin is hard. Little do they know it’s something their parents have already thought about before they were even here.
Jeremy Everts is in his first year at Park. He is a broadcast major by day and father of seven every second of the day. Number five and six are a set of fraternal boy girl twins, Xander (Zander) and Olivia. Jeremy and his wife wanted names that kept them together as twins but stayed away of the rhyming or same initials many parents choose. “It’s X’s and O’s,” he said. “It was my
wife’s idea. We wanted them to have as much individuality as possible. Something they could talk about later in life but give them
personalities.”
The Initial Shock
When a couple finds out they are pregnant they start thinking of a name, not two. They look for a crib, not two and they wonder how their lives are going to change with a new addition, not two. So what is it like when the doctor finds two heart beats, not one?
Super Bowl Sunday 2007, Jeremy’s wife was seven weeks pregnant. She began cramping and decided to go to the hospital. Once she was admitted they took her back to have an ultrasound. The nurse takes a look and says, “Everything looks fine with both.”
“Both!” they said at the same time. Jeremy remembers just standing there in shock. His wife is a nurse and they already have four kids so they knew what an ultrasound was supposed to look like. He remembers looking at the screen, seeing two circles and the expression on his wife’s face. She looked to him and said,“There are two circles.” But it just didn’t seem real, not even after the nurse confirmed it.
How long did it take for it to sink in? “Literally until they were born,” he said.“At times it was more real than others, but I don’t know if I could say I was ever prepared. You think, ok twins. That’s two diapers at once, two bottles, but you never think one will get sick or both might be profusely vomiting all night long.”
“Taking care of twins isn’t any different if you can handle the schedule and they are good to you,” Jeremy explains. “I learned to sleep short hours and drive quickly. I’m always on the go.” When he takes them out he is surprised by how many people don’t realize they are twins. People will ask how old they are and when he has just one answer they say, “wow twins, I couldn’t do that.” He laughs now but thinks to himself, “I was probably one of those people.”
Two of Everything
Do you really need two of everything? “No, It’s just twice as much fun,” Jeremy says. "You need two car seats and two receiving blankets.” They originally bought two cribs and sold one shortly after bringing Xander and Olivia home. He had one together and figured they were so small they would be fine for a while.
“I would go to the crib and they would be holding each other. Body to body like in a fetal position,” he said. After seeing that he knew they would always sleep together and still do at two years old.
Jeremy understands it is important to spend time with each of them but finds it difficult with two. “I worry I will neglect one,” he says. “I am always monitoring myself.” He spends a lot of time playing with them but they need their own time as well. “When one is napping I will take the other to the gas station or the grocery store,” he said. “There is this stigma that they don’t function well when they are not together.” he says, but he hasn’t found it to be true.
They do things on their own just like any other kid but if one is not around when it is time to do something the other sets out to find them. “If dinner is ready and Xander isn’t around Olivia will go searching for him,” Jeremy says.“Ander,” as she calls her brother, “where are you? It’s time to eat,” says Olivia as she walks through the house looking for him.
They never want the same thing at the same time. “They both come to me and one wants a sandwich and one wants a cup,” he says. So who gets what they want first? “We always use the gentlemen’s rule,” he says, “Ladies first.” Other than that they share.
Twin Talk
Twins have been known to engage in what is known as "twin talk." A language that is uniquely their own and only they can understand, but is it true? “We didn’t really experience the twin babble,” Jeremy said. His twins are just starting to talk with each other and everyone else. “They would grunt and babble to each other but all kids do that,” he says.
“Kinda,”Cordell says about him and his brother Kyle. “We always had to talk,” he says.“We had things that only we would know, inside talk. Knowing what the other one is going to say, but anyone who spends a lot of time with another person does that.” He admits it doesn’t happen as much now they’re apart.
There is no scientific data that supports this theory, or twin telepathy. “We don’t have the telepathy so to say, and we don‘t finish each other’s sentences,” Says Eric about him and his twin Ryan. He doesn’t recall having their own language or ever hearing his parents talk about it.
When people say, “I don’t know how you do it,” Jeremy wants to say, “I don’t know how you don’t.” Having twins is just like anything thing else. It is a part of life and you figure out how to deal with it. “How do you survive in a war torn country? You just do,” Jeremy says. “You hope at the end of the day you’ve had some fun and laughed a little. I’m not trying to compare twins to war
but…,”shrugs his shoulders and laughs.